Queen of Hideous Swims #2

Who are they?

One of the founding members of Hideous Co, Steph learned to swim at an early age and competed in swimming and artistic (synchronised) swimming through her teenage years. She took a break from the pool following a serious accident, returning in 2016 to swim, and to teach artistic swimming. She’s committed to creating the space and opportunity for everyone to enjoy both sports, and currently leads on Hideous’ work to help people with disabilities to reach their swimming or artistic swimming goals.

Looking back at the swim

My Hideous Swim is perhaps the most intangible of them all. If fact is not really a single event, although I officially received it after my first open water swim event; a 4.5km in Lake Bala in 2019. It’s a beautiful and well worth a visit. My Hideous Swim was to learn to treat my swimming with kindness.
Not hurting yourself for the sake of it seems like an obvious philosophy. But if you’re not careful, a childhood of competitive sport, and poorly aimed ‘what ifs’ can warp your thinking and teach you to forget yourself, and how to listen to your internal cues. Pain is part of the process, it means you’re getting better. Doing more, pushing through, accepting permanent ‘niggles’ and prioritising results is the way forward. I had swum my way to injury, and seemed intent on staying there. So my swim was Hideous because it required to question myself over and over again, until I rewired my thinking.

“Why are you doing this?”
“Is it worth it?”

These are not questions to dissuade (although they certainly can be used that way!). They are to think over, and can bring to light some interesting things. For example, I recently swam the length of Loch Lomond partly to expose myself to the internal demons the like to appear when you’re on your own like that (if you know an English Channel swimmer, they can probably give you some insight). It was absolutely worth it. Your reason doesn’t necessarily need to be clear to others, and it may just be “because it’s fun”.
I was very well supported: Tee was the best (and most infuriating) cheerleader, kindly supplying the questions when I forgot to ask them, as well as reminding my when my Queen of Hideous Swims Hat was drifting figuratively further from reach!
So what was it like to finally achieve? It felt like relief, in some ways. Certainly, it physically hurt less. There was no real before and after, just a realisation that things were better now. Swimming was (is!) enjoyable again because I was focussing where I enjoyed. I didn’t hurt in the same way, and it just felt nice. There was a sense of achievement to it: it had taken a big mental shift: I was now in a different place. I could see now that it didn’t mean just saying no to everything, as I had first though.
I’m glad I took the challenge. I carry it with me still; it’s part of Hideous’ core philosophy. And I got a pretty hat!